Use Your Eyes: Our 12 Hours of Flops

This Saturday I hunkered down with Senor Dogface and E at the apartment of some friends to watch 12 hours of god-awful movies from Nathan Rabin's My Year of Flops AV Club series/book. Themed food and drinks, as well as incredulous gagging on said food and drinks as the movies progressed, was (were?) had by all.  Thanks to K&A for hosting, accepting the aforementioned dogface, and generally being awesome.

The lineup:

The Conqueror: John Wayne plays Genghis Khan.  THE END.
Pros: The Star Wars-style prologue taught me some new words; awesome acting by animals.
Cons: Massive racial insensitivity; the whole cast got cancer afterwards due to filming near a nuclear test site

Postal: Everyone is awful/a terrorist/both in Uwe Bol's dark-comedy-failure based on his dark-video-game failure. Dave Foley shows his wang.
Pros: Osama Bin Laden is played by the Soup Nazi?  Glad that guy's still getting work.
Cons: Holocaust jokes, 9/11 jokes, children being shot, animal violence, everyone is awful

Shadowboxer: Hired assassins (and incestuous step-relatives) Cuba Gooding Jr. and Helen Mirren find a new lease on life when their newest target turns out to be pregnant.  Joseph Gordon Levitt is a doctor who's in a relationship with his crackhead nurse, played by Moniq.  Macy Grey guest stars as crazy.
Pros: See above.
Cons: See above.

Ishtar: Think Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty in an entertainment-themed Spies Like Us, except way, way more expensive and such a critical and financial embarrassment to the studio that it is now practically impossible to find a legit copy on DVD.
Pros: Hoffman and Beatty are actually pretty good at their roles as totally pathetic and untalented musical comedians.
Cons: I had to walk the dog in the hurricane during this movie.

Zandalee: New Orleans love triangle between Nic Cage, Judge Reinhold and some unfortunate lady.
Pros: LOTS of sex
Cons: Sex mostly involves Nic Cage.


(This clip does not require sound, and is shockingly safe for work.  But let me point out: Cage is the girl.)



Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: Let's make a Beatles movie, but with the BeeGees and Peter Frampton instead of, you know, talented people!
Pros: I slept through most of this one.
Cons: There is apparently no angle from which one cannot see up Peter Frampton's nose.

Sounds like everyone else survived the storm.  Just in case another one comes along, you now know what not to watch, under any circumstances, ever.  You're welcome.

Use Your Eyes: Personal Style

Okay!  I am working on WORDS (for reals - both about my Very Important Wedding and other things, like vocabulary that I learned from reading Dune), but in the meantime . . .

I don't know if it's some sort of Caribbean hangover or a post-wedding backlash or what, but my fashion interests have definitely taken a turn for the eclectic lately.  First I became obsessed with this outfit worn by Natalia Tena (aka Tonks, aka Ellie from About A Boy) at the Harry Potter premiere in London:

Picture courtesy of The Independent

And then I got all hot and bothered about this colorful tips tutorial that I saw on Design Crush:

From The Beauty Department

And tonight I found myself totally smitten by the amazing site Hel Looks, which captures hipsters in Helsinki wearing wacky clothes:

Soooo, let's make some colorful-scarf, floral-print, cowboy-booted magic, people.  The universe demands it.

P.S. Pictures this weekend.  Promise.

No Words

Laura Ingalls Wilder, YOU DONE GOOD.

From My Daguerreotype Boyfriend

Maybe I'll make some words sometime soon.  In the meanwhile I have a LOT of Google Reader to catch up on, and some wedding shit, I guess . . . plus I have to watch the Muppet Movie, so, you know, priorities.

Pretty, and Witty, and . . .

Sometimes reading or listening to the news about the endlessly new and creative attacks that fundamentalist nutjob politicians propose makes me sad.  But the internet doth give even as it takes away.

Have a Takei Friday, everyone.





P.S. I fully acknowledge that my understanding of politics is imperfect, sometimes not up to speed, and frequently characterized by an unbecoming rage.  I also (obviously) feel more qualified to talk about social issues like abortion and gay rights than fiscal matters - though I understand that financial management is kind of paramount when all is said and done, and do my best to maintain some semblance of awareness on that topic.

I Can Call You Betty

Sometimes instead of going to bed at night I watch this video four or five times in a row.



When I was a kid, I didn't know what Paul Simon looked like, so I thought the non-Chevy Chase guy was another comedian. I still think Paul's funnier, although I deeply enjoy every time Chevy drops his glass through the bongo stand.

Hello Jell-O

via Jezebel

I gave up Jell-O (along with Kraft mac & cheese) a few years ago after getting on a real-food kick via my man Michael Pollan.  Still love the stuff, though, in theory if not in practice.  Leave it to youtube to satisfy my theoretical (and aesthetic) Jell-O desires.

Surprise!

Hello friends,

I ran out of work to do at 1:30 pm today, so, um, I started a blog? Welcome.

Before I started the blog, though, I took a quick walk outside to experience April in DC sans climate control.   (Spoiler alert: it is warm, pollen-filled and slightly sticky).  I first wandered down to Lafayette Park in front of the White House, just a 5 min walk from my office.  There is often something (or someone) interesting to see there:

Eli Nature Boy (p.s. we're FB friends)

"Yes We Cannabis"

Magnolias

But today the park was pretty tame, so I kept a-walking.  Right past, and then back, and into, the Renwick Gallery/American Art Museum.

The Renwick

How gorgeous is this building?  The Renwick houses the Smithsonian American Art Museum's craft and decorative arts program.  I stop in on occasion to see probably my favorite piece from their collection, Larry Fuente’s Game Fish.

Larry Fuente - Game Fish

(If you’ve been to our apt. you may have noticed a postcard-sized picture of this piece in an Ikea frame on the wall, because E and I are classy like that.)

The Grand Salon

The Renwick is kind of a weird hodgepodge of a museum, combining contemporary folk art and sculpture with traditional portraiture and landscapes.  Truthfully the architecture and interior design is as much of a draw for me as the art.  The Grand Salon looks like how a classic art gallery should look, with circular couches, pink walls, oriental-inspired rugs, gold window-dressings and a high ceiling with skylights.  And did I mention PINK WALLS? The only drawback is that the paintings high on the walls are harder to see because of glare from the lights.  I picked out a few to focus on today, mostly from what appeared to be the “Artist Self-Portraits and Paintings of Cows” wall.  (You can see all of the paintings in the Grand Salon at the Renwick’s Flickr).

James Jebusa Shannon - Mother and Child (Lady Shannon and Kitty)

I love the movement in this portrait.  The woman looks a bit too white and the girl’s right hand is a little too posed (unless she’s fiddling with something, can’t tell for sure), but the fistful of hair, the facial expressions and the character’s actions are compelling.

William H. Howe - Monarchy of the Farm

This painting benefits from the context of its sheer size on the wall and its large, gilded frame.  Great title.

Alice Pike Barney - Self-Portrait with Palette

Movement!  Can you tell I like it in paintings?  Also wacky backgrounds.  Also tough painter ladies with wild hair.  I love how her signature is incorporated into the painting itself rather than hiding away in the corner, even though it’s kind of distracting and totally breaks the rules.  If you're feeling clicky, here is Alice Pike Barney’s Wikipedia Page (DC salons! Douchebag husband!  Lesbian daughter!  Decades-younger second husband! This lady did some living.)

That is all.  Thanks for reading, or at least looking at the pictures!

m