Civic Doodies

I opened an email from Planned Parenthood this morning to find that the “DC 20-Week Abortion Ban” bill, sponsored by walking trashbag Trent Franks, just passed committee and will be up for a vote in the House of Representatives. The email urged me to call Rep. Franks, and to encourage friends I know in his congressional district to do the same. While I don’t really have any contacts in Arizona, I’m more than happy to express my concerns to the good Mr. Franks about this unconstitutional, unscientific, unethical and breathtakingly arrogant bill. Can do, PP!

To inform myself a bit more about the bill, I clicked around a bit on the bill’s govtrack site. Gotta be educated when contacting a congressperson, right? And THAT’S how I learned that out of the bill’s 220 co-sponsors, 9 hail from DC-adjacent Virginia and Maryland, and 6 identify as democrats. Hey, awesome, guys! (And yes, it IS mostly – though not exclusively – guys sponsoring the bill). Thanks for helping out us poor DC denizens with this whole lawmaking thing. Self-government and full representation are totally overrated and we really shouldn’t be worrying our pretty little heads! Banning our “shadow” representative Eleanor Holmes-Norton (a title befitting Ms. Holmes-Norton’s badassery but not the level of respect she’s accorded in Congress) from testifying on this bill was totally for our benefit, right? Just like this bill itself, which solely affects Rep. Holmes-Norton’s constituency. And is based on unproven science. And makes no exception for cases of abuse. And most importantly flouts the standing Supreme Court precedent in Roe v. Wade. All just to help out little old us? THANKS.


Flames on the side of my face.

At lunch, I googled around a bit for recommendations about the best way to contact my new sh*t-list of representatives without actually spontaneously combusting. I decided against calling, as I didn’t want my carefully crafted message to be poured into the ear of an uninterested administrator or staffer and then immediately reduced to a check mark somewhere in the office correspondence records. I want it to at least take MINUTES for the message to be reduced to a check mark somewhere in the correspondence records. The Art of Manliness (ironic?) has some good tips for contacting a representative, though at times I fear it veers into endorsing the gentlemen’s club atmosphere of our current congress. The author recommends calling if a vote is immediately pending (which I couldn't establish from the govtrack website), and sending a letter if you feel strongly but time is less pressing. However, letters mean stamps and stamps mean money and I shouldn’t have to pay to have my voice heard. Email, ephemeral as it is, will have to do.

So, I went ahead and collected my targets and went to each of their websites for email contact info. Most don’t supply email addresses, opting instead for site-integrated email forms. Which typically require zip+4 info to ensure that the writer is in fact a constituent. Which, ha ha, I WISH I weren’t considered your constituent, congressperson-friend, but you make it so DIFFICULT for me by supporting legislation that SOLELY impacts my (voteless) voting district. So! If you can totally break the rules about boundaries, uh, so can I?

Pro tip for DC protesters: To get around the zip code email requirement, find the zip+4 of the Rep’s district office and plug it in, and then – if you want to give them your full address at all, which many of the forms require – tack DC and your zip code onto the end of the city name. All this takes extra time, but since my uterus isn’t busy gestating a fetus that 221 people who don’t represent my district want the ability to force me to carry to term past a nebulously-defined 20-week period on the grounds of pseudoscience, religiously motivated bigotry, and/or misogyny, I guess I have the free time. I wasn’t planning to do any work today anyway!*

To hammer the representation point home, I also included this paragraph at the end of each email.

“I request confirmation via mail that this message was received and read. I note that Rep. ()’s website is set up to only accept messages from individuals residing in (his) congressional district. I submit, however, that in supporting the passage of this bill which solely affects my current voting district, Rep. () has made me a member of his constituency and as such I deserve a response.”

Feel free to borrow this language if you too are a) disenfranchised in DC and b) WICKED PISSED.


Sponsor of HR 3803:
The Dishonorable Trent Franks

DC/MD co-sponsors of HR 3803:
Morgan Griffith (R-VA)
Frank Wolf (R-VA)
Rob Wittman (R-VA)
Scott Rigell (R-VA)
Robert Hurt (R-VA)
J. Randy Forbes (R-VA)
Robert "Bob" Goodlatte (R-VA)
Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD)
Andy Harris (R-MD)

Democratic co-sponsors of HR 3803:
Daniel Lipinski (D-IL)
Mike McIntyre (D-NC)
Collin Peterson (D-MN)
Nick Rahall (D-WV)
Jerry Costello (D-IL)
Dan Boren (D-OK)


My full letter** (altered appropriately for non-local dems & Trent Franks):

To the Honorable Representative () and staff:

My name is (), and as a current citizen of the District of Columbia without full representation in congress, I am represented in part by Rep ().

I am writing to register my surprise and frustration with Rep. ()’s co-sponsorship of HR 3803, the “DC 20 Week Abortion Ban.” As a woman and a citizen of the District of Columbia I see this bill as wholly unethical both for its content and for the method by which the bill has been promoted in congress.

As a representative from a neighboring state, Rep. () should be more aware than many that the District of Columbia is not a mere abstraction to be used for political experimentation, but a district filled with real people whose rights are equally real under the law even as we are denied full representation in congress. HR 3803 represents an unconstitutional attack on my district’s right to self-government and my rights as a citizen of the United States. Barring Rep. Eleanore Holmes-Norton from testifying on the bill was further evidence of true disregard for precisely the citizens whom this bill purports to serve.

Furthermore, the bill itself is deeply flawed. Setting aside that all women have a right to make decisions about their own bodies, the bill uses unproven science and flawed emotional reasoning to illegally challenge a Supreme Court precedent regarding women’s health. Astoundingly, the bill even lacks exception in cases of abuse, and subjects a doctor to criminal penalties simply for performing a safe – and legal – medical procedure.

Playing political theater with the lives and health of unrepresented and underserved women in the District of Columbia evidences arrogance and disdain for me, and for the American civic system. I strongly urge Rep. () to reconsider his position on this bill and turn his attention to the true and very real challenges of this time in our nation’s history. Rep. (), women are watching.

I request confirmation via mail that this message was received and read. I note that Rep ()’s website is set up to only accept messages from individuals residing in his congressional district. I submit, however, that in supporting the passage of this bill which solely affects my current voting district, Rep. () has made me a member of his constituency and as such I deserve a response.

Thank you.






*Not actually true. I would much rather be doing paperwork for polar bears.

**Any wonk friends who might be reading, let me know if you have further/better tips for contacting a congressperson in such a way as to induce them (or at least their staffers) to actually listen. I can't see how this particular policy could possibly be more relevant to me short of being personally knocked up, but I'm not super optimistic about getting any response back.