Sun comes up and we start again

Well, it took me two years but I finally completed my 2012 New Years resolution. Behold:

Onward.

Obviously it's been a while since I blogged, and it'll probably be a while before I do it again on any sort of regular basis. Partially that's because I got kinda busy this year becoming a new parent.

But the truth is that I have dozens of drafts here in Blogger that never made it to post - so that's a bit of a bogus excuse. The real issue is follow-through, which has always been a challenge for me. It's all about anxiety: I get an idea for something I want to do, but before I get to the execution I decide that I would probably just fuck it up or the person(s) involved wouldn't like it or would think I'm weird or would be disappointed. So I put it off until I forget about it or it's no longer relevant and then I drag myself through the mud a second time for not acting in the first place.

A surprising (or perhaps not very surprising) amount of my life is lived this way. And, honestly, that is not likely to change a great deal. I'm about to turn 33 (helloooo Jesus year) and while I dig the Eat-Pray-Love-How-Stella-Got-Her-Groove-Back late-in-life epiphany narrative on an aesthetic level, I don't see myself achieving enlightenment on a tropical island any time soon.

Which is not to say that I'm ditching out on that whole self-value thing altogether. But in keeping with the fake-it-'til-you-make-it philosophy that has dominated my life as a parent, I'm more interested in how I can work around the anxiety rather than trying to banish it. It just seems more practical.

So. This year I resolve to do more things when I think of them. Even if I think they might not turn out how I expect or people might think I'm weird. Newsflash: I AM weird. Also kind of awesome.

I also resolve to hang the words "BE HERE NOW" in an obnoxiously large frame in our kitchen. Maybe I can actually accomplish that by 2017.

http://youtu.be/0z2GLCmKqLQ